Tribal on Face are trying something new. We’re branching out. Like in the old days when they would mix hardcore and metal, and come up with a wonderful new genre called ikilledthepromqueen core. ToF are going to review places we’ve been and the wonderful sights and people we’ve encountered on our journey. We’re here to be informative to the public in everyway possible!
First stop:  The forums of Kill Your Stereo and Brokin Glass Online.

There’s some night clubs you go to that are full of people that wish
they had the talent to be in the band chuckin a breakdown on the
stage, and there’s some clubs full of the people that do chuck the
breakdowns.

These 2 forums are split up pretty much like this.

KILL YOUR STEREO
KYS has a regular bunch of posters that are all employed by JB Hifi
and are still saving up for the day they can afford a second hand
Samick bass and ashton pracice amp, so they can play along to parkway
drives “deep blue” which they used their JB hifi discount to get $3
off of.

There’s the occasional industry guru posting (users: thingswecarry &
ricky2403) to inform the rest of the forums goers what’s hip and where
to go for good moshing.

As a whole KYS seems to recycle threads every few months.  Such as
Favourite albums, bands, this and that about a tour, and the
occasional gamers thread.

It’s all pretty stock standard and I suspect homo laden, as the one
thread I found with noods, “the bloke thread” seems really neglected
and uninteresting to 99% of the posters.

BROKENGLASSONLINE

Next we have BGO. Firstly BGO doesn’t have a noods thread, but it doesn’t need it.
how so i hear you ask? let me explain.


They’re 100% homo.

A conglomeration of people that are in bands, have been in bands
before, people that design things for bands, take photos of bands, or

have tumblr accounts that dont feature nude indie chicks fisting other nood indie chicks. here you can find threads about all of those things.
Some real life celebrities like Mike Crafter and some people that like
Joy Division (only famous people like Joy Division) frequent these
forums to really connect with the common man.

A good feature of this forum is the trade section. Where you can sell off your cds and t-shirts after the trend of the touring band has passed, or try to sell your shitty instruments that you never learnt to play so you can spend the money on the new halo game that you will suck at playing and are only buying to adhere to
the trend of buying halo and pretending to like such a horrible game.

The community here seem to actually know each other away from the
forum too, which i think is really nice. it’s important to have
friends.


all in all both forums are a horrible waste of time and intellagance.

but hey…after all. it is only the internet.

REST IN PEACE DIME!!!

1966 - 2004

ToF EXCLUSIVE!

Ahren Stringston, former guitarist for the Amity Affliction (and one
half of the male/female duet act Love Cats) has only just recently come
out of hiding since his very controversial dismissal from the band due
to his complete 180 on religion! It’s been quite a few months of soul
searching and preparing for the release of his new book “I love Jesus
now”, but now it seems Ahren is back! With a Vengence.

After being replaced by Brock Fitzgerald from Australia’s favourite
heroin traffickers, The Scare, things went downhill for young Ahren.
Spiralling into a severe depression and substance abuse, allegations
of assault and indecent exposure charges via an undercover cop in a
public toilet. But now it seems that Erin has overcome all of this
and, to quote Metallica, “something about a light at the end of his
tunnel and a freight train commin’ our way—hay” He’s back on the
horse (no smack reference) and has been shredding like a Demon.

Sting has asked ToF to be the official forum in which he’ll release his first
promotional video to recruit other members for his new super band. In order to show off the technicality and skill required to be a part of this new project, he’s filmed himself doing a cover of a song by one of the WORLD’s most technical bands, Thy Art is Murder! So if you think you’ve got what it takes, contact us here and we’ll forward your submissions onto the man himself! Hold onto your dicks!

To the artists wanting to apply, be warned.. No matter how successful
Ahren’s future project will be, it will never reach the heights of his
former group The Amity Affliction. It’s all a bit Mustaine but we wish
both groups the best of luck and are proud to announce that Amity have
just released a CD putting their past behind them. It’s entitled Glory
Days (a reference to the future glory they’ll be receiving with their
newer, more solid lineup) You can purchase it online here!

Here just take my fucking money!! all of it!

“Holy Fucking Shit” alright! Fucking Confession have just released their latest range in summer mosh wear and It’s fucking exciting! I was this fucking close to getting one of those faggot hair cuts with the rats tail at the back just so I could wear a Tap Out shirt. Don’t get me wrong I don’t like MMA, that shit is for faggots. A bunch of dudes grappling around on the floor half naked. Gammin! I’d rather bro out in the pit with my mates and hundreds of other sweaty half naked dudes. I just think Tap Out shirts look really sweet. Thank fucking shit for Confession because now they’ve given me the best of both worlds! Awesome shirt AND no homo! I’m gonna be getting blowies for wearing this shit!


Among the others, my next favourite is the Aussie map with the Southern Cross on it. My Grandpa was an ANZACK in the war when they killed Hitler and that so it’s my way of showing my respect. (that and by bashing lebs). Along with my Southern Cross throat Tatt, I’m maximum Aussie Pride! Don’t tell me that just because I came here from New Zealand when I was 10 and always talk about how awesome it is “Back in NZ”, that I can’t fucking tell everyone how Aussie I am.



Buy this fucking shit Here

Phantoms/I Exist - Bad Romance split EP (2010)

While on a romantic retreat on the glamorous yet classy Gold Coast, Canberra’s bong suckers “I Exist” and Sydneys cum guzzlers “Phantoms” declared their love for the piss warm kiddie pool at Wet & Wild.

Split EP’s.

Where does one begin?

Bands that are too shit to write enough songs for their own EP/LP?

Bands that know they’re shit and that no-one will buy (or bother to download) their album so they ride the coat tails of another band that’s got the same idea, and both bands think the other band is the one that’s going to lead them to glory but in reality both bands are as bad as each other?

I think that sums it up.

Phantoms & I Exist have named their songs and EP after rides at the slip and slide park.  I guess this is a step up from pop culture references, or slightly changing the title of someone else’s track name/movie/album/idea.

Claiming to be a goth band, Phantoms are pretty popular with the club blink crowd and keep Maybelline in business with all their eye shadow and mascara.  While on the other end of the spectrum, I exist (who mind you..should not actually exist) look like they’d shop at Aldi for clothes.

Listening to the Phantoms track “The Black Hole” (which is actually about inter-racial love making) kicks off with some really original sounds and is like nothing I’ve ever heard before.  Ever.

I Exist show us what happens when you pretend to smoke pot but actually green out on shitty skunk weed.  Half arsed stoner riffs that are too constructed and too short because they still have an attention span that hasn’t been destroyed by years of drug abuse.  Death to false stoner.

I give this ep a resounding score of 8 cocks.

Ps: Dreamworld is better than wet and wild.

what a bunch of poofs.

Check out Phantoms Here

and I Exist here

What is it with old guys and shitty punk rock?

I bet in their hey-day the members of Undefeated played in some great bands.  I bet they used to rock the shit out of their uncles BBQ parties and local youth centres.  But when they get to a certain age (48?) they go downhill.

Instead of sticking to the ever respectful “yea…i used to be in a band” banter that old punk rockers tend to cling to for some acceptance with the new crowd, the members of Undeafted have attempted to assimilate back into the music scene.

Dusting off their old guitars (shit ones, not vintage ones) and clambering into a rehearsal space (no doubt complaining about the price they have to pay to prac, and how it’s too loud and how these young kids dont know what music is etc…) they’ve written a few tracks, walked out and thought they’re the best thing since romper stomper.  Well…they’re not.  Gladiator is the best thing since Romper Stomper.

Next stage of “making it”: Name drop your former glories.

mindsnare, bulldogs spirit, marching orders

A bunch of bands that never actually got past the Northcote RSL open mic night.

why would we at ToF care?

Here’s a tip Undefeted.

Change your name to Defeated and give up.

Leave music to the people that know what they’re doing (ala Parkway Drive, Red Shores, and other bands who’s logo is illegible).

2/6 pacemakers.

Surprisingly they’re somewhat computer literate and have themselves a myspace. Click Here to check them out

BC

Gold Coast band, Headaches have released a new song from their upcoming Album due out in December! The track is called “Sinker”. Good to see they paid attention to our last review! They’ve stepped it up a couple notches. Autotuned vox and at least 3 drum rolls! Bitches love drum rolls! It’s still a bit fruity for our liking but I guess if you like songs with substance and melody head on over to their myspace and have a belt wank to it. Poof.

MYSPACE

Catch them at their next show with a bunch of hessian bands to get the song on some compiliation that comes with some zine. Yea. People still do the whole zine thing.

 that could have possibly brought us out of hibernation is……………………..

Not since the days of Black Sabbath and Motorhead has there been such a Rock n Roll force as that of Melbourne’s The Getaway Plan.

Hearts & hymens everywhere were broken by this band and their crew of merry misfits.

Tales of the road and sexual debauchery rivalled those of the motley crue biography “the dirt”.

2009 saw the early end of TGP, but 2010 is a new year, and with a new year comes the realisations of failed new endeavours, and the urge to dig up this rockin monster.

So get out your Motorhead Ace of Spades album, crank up track 8, and get down to one of these shows and see what it is your little sister has been crying about.

Collapsed - Demo (2010)

5/5 Fritzls

We got an email from these lads the other day, practically begging us to review their fucking CD. So here it is. It would have been nice if the link they sent us had the tracks in order! We’re doing them a favour, the least they could have done is sort that out for us. Anyways.

The Intro track, cleverly titled “Intro” could have been at least 1:39 shorter. Playing the same riff over and over again may work for Coal Chamber but definitely not for these guys. Not a good start. I’m already fucking bored as shit. Then Out of nowhere comes the fucking Meat Sandwich that is the next track “Silence the Race”. If I wanted to listen to INAB I would listen to INAB. So I went to In Name and Blood’s myspace page and chucked a bedroom mosh. Corey is the cute one. Leith is the talented one, Ahsby is the quiet one, Rohan is the strong one and Craig is the sensitive one. The first song on their myspace is called “Meth” and its fucking bullshit and ahhh fuck it.. what am I doing with my life? This isn’t even funny anymore. Well, thanks Collapsed! you’ve killed our passion for everything!    


For more info go to: http://www.myspace.com/collapsedmelbourne



Dont bother trying to get to the merch store from their myspace either! they stuffed that up too!!..Click here to purchase their shirt + demo

  - SP

A Secret Death - Fear is the Driving Force

Island/Def Jam

We’re primarily an Australian music review blog, but recently we received an email from an American band requesting us to review them that we felt the need to comply with their dying request.

North Carolinas, thankfully now defunct, A Secret Death.

I can’t find out much about them though.  Like most other american bands riding the coat tails of bands like Every Time I die and Norma Jean A Secret Death are like a half hearted slap in the face. Like that time you cheat on your girlfriend and she’s really angry at you but too busy crying and smsíng her friends to really put the effort into yelling at you and giving you the satisfaction of really ruining her life.  That’s the kind of pussy vocals coming through my headphones as I’m writing this.

Sometimes there’s a band that comes along that really inspires you to play music because of how good they are.  Sometimes you just wanna jump up and record a vocal cover of Boneyards by PWD and put it on youtube to show the world your passion for music.  And then sometimes you want to jump up and record a vocal cover of Boneyards by PWD and put it on youtube to show taletless faggots like a secret death how it’s done.

I did do some investigation into this band as well.  I found a film they did for IKDDFAKA, and they’re all wearing marilyn manson style make up and jumping around like retards!!!

The only thing that should remain a secret about this band is their music.  No-one needs to hear it. ever.  But dont keep a secret about the fact they;ve now broken up and won’t be bothering anyone ever again. 

I bet the singer will try follow in the footsteps of keith buckley from ETID and get an online blog though just so he can still force his bullshit tastes and opinions on the unwilling publix.

The album finishes off with the track “the eternal blink”, which is a “clever” term for dying i think, and i’m glad they’re sticking to this.

I thank god this band never made it to our shores and I never had to vomit on myself in disgust while they played.  I would have prefered to vomit into my own arse, then shit the vomit into my own mouth again.

There’s no point in mentioning the other musicians either.

I will though, in dot point form.

Bass:  Would be better used as a butt plug instead of an instrument. And probably was.

Drums: In year 3 I got some empty ice cream containers and pretended I was in the band IceHouse.  I think I did a better job than this mongoloid fuckhat.

Guitars: See my previous comment about vomiting into my own arse.

Fuck this shit

Fuck it in it’s gay fucking cock